Some Fridays Are Actually Mondays...

Some Fridays Are Actually Mondays That Have Gotten Out Of Sorts And Wound Up In The Wrong Weekly Order

It's Labor Day Friday, which I would normally consider renaming "Good Friday" since it is the kick-off to a three-day weekend. Actually, any Friday should be able to be labeled Good Friday since it is the gateway to the weekend. However, as I will demonstrate in this short tome, some Fridays are not good; in fact, they are evil and should be relegated to Monday status.

Things started well enough today. I got upgraded to First Class¹. I had lunch with one of the "Top Three Hottest Clients" on my project. She was so impressed with my excellent table manners and lunch conversations that she brought me to the STD² train station, too. Then she went home to her fiancee³.

Back to the point, after a thoroughly non-titillating train trip to Newark airport, I am on a plane bound for Nashville, Tennessee in an effort to join members of my ultimate team, Black Angus, for a tournament in Chattanooga. Don't ask why we are flying into NashVega$ instead of Atlanta to get to Nooga, which if you don't know is like flying to Jacksonville for a fishing weekend in Juneau, Alaska. Let it suffice to say that I will not be trusting my itinerary planning to a engineer any more.

I am currently the victim of an "on-time departure", i.e. the plane left the terminal on-time but has not yet left the tarmac. My 3:10 PM flight taxied out to what I can only assume was the correct spot for taking off. Unfortunately, a rapid ascent into the heavens did not ensue. Air Traffic Control placed a ground hold on all south bound aircraft due to bad weather. I didn't realize that planes could actually melt if rained upon.

Lucky for us, the ground hold only last 90 minutes. Woo Hoo! We were on the verge of taking off when a dog had to pee. Actually, it didn't really have to pee, or it may have, but the federal government said that the dog must be allowed to pee. There is apparently an FAA regulation stating that animals must have a pee break if it has boarded a plane that has not taken off in sixty minutes.

Are you effing kidding me? Let me get this straight. A dog can pee all over itself in its pet carrier during a four hour flight from Houston to LA. But if the plane sits on the runway for too long, we have to turn the plane around, delay the free drinks, and walk the dog. Apparently agents from PETA have secretly taken over the FAA, which explains why the filling in the turkey sandwiches doesn't really look like turkey.

With a Friday afternoon like this in the bag, someone's probably going to try and tell me that there aren't actually casinos and showgirls in NashVega$.

Foot Notes:
¹By the way, Coach, or the No Class section, is for you losers that actually have lives which involve actually living and working within an area described by a circle with a radius of sixty miles.

²STD is the Metro North Railway abbreviation for the Stamford train station and not a slang name for the joint. Although after having seen the bathroom, I am convinced that one could a catch a mean case of something from the toilet seat should one so desire.

³There was no funny business going on. She's engaged. And, I don't do that type of stuff with OPP. And, I had already checked out of the Westin.