Surreal Night at Houston Rodeo

Dirty Hands
Originally uploaded by CJ Sorg

Thomamas invited me to the Chili Cookoff yesterday afternoon when I was on my pilgrimage to DFW.

I'm not sure that I can make it. This week sucked. And, I'm tired.

You need to be here. There's talent and free drinks.

Well, I'm not one to leave a brother in need of a wingman. Hear that, Bolivian?

Parking was bitch so Thomamas picked me up and we parked at his reserved spot at Shoney's. That's how we roll.

The vodka sodas were flowing, but all the food was gone by the time I got to the party. We headed out into the ruckus to check out the other parties and maybe track down some food.

We were busy gawking at the Crown Royal babes when a lady in a Matrix style leather trenchcoat walked up with a box of BBQ sandwiches offering each of us one. Savor that moment will you. A Trinity-like babe with BBQ. Mmmm, delicious.

T and I were still talking about our free sandwiches like teenage girls talking about JT. I think I peed my pants a little.

I was just about to unwrap my sandwich when I felt a slap on my butt and a girl circled around my right side. A strange exchange followed.

[Girl] Y'all go to Massachusetts last weekend?

[Thomamas] What?

[JB el JB] Huh?

[Girl] Y'all go to Massachusetts last weekend? You know 'cuz they offer gay marriage?

[Thomamas] What the hell?

[JB el JB] Shhhh. That's our dirty little secret.

[Girl] You gonna ride the ferris wheel? It's romantic.

[JB el JB] Nope.

[Thomamas] We'll need two people to ride it with us.

[Girl] So y'all wanna buy some carnival tickets. I'm having trouble selling them.

[JB el JB] Uh...no.

[Thomamas] We're not buying any tickets.

[Girl] Y'all aren't any fun.

...

[Thomamas] Damn carnie. (Censored content)

[JB el JB] She smelled like cabbage.

[Thomamas] And had small hands.

BBQ Trinity made it all better by bringing Thomamas another sandwich.

Ten long days are in the books

My ten day journey down The Master Cleanser path came to an end today. Words seem to fail me as I describe my level of excitement. As hard as that is to believe, here's an excerpt from an email I wrote earlier tonight.

The recovery starts tomorrow and lemme just tell you that I'm FUCKING EXCITED (sorry for that display of my limited lexicon) that the salt water purges are finito.

Perhaps my body excreted my vocabulary along with toxins?

Here's a quick run down of FAQ from my experience.

What was the hardest thing to give up during The MC?
The worst part of the cleanse was abstaining from the social aspects of dining. It creeps out some folks to have a non-eater sitting at the table watching folks eat. The experience was a bit weird for me, too.

What happens next?
There is a three day recovery period during which I reintroduce my body to something besides lemonade. Day 1 is OJ Day; basically OJ is substituted for the lemonade. Day 2 is the more of the same with veggie broth/soup in the evening. Day 3 is OJ for the morning, soup during mid day and real, chewable vegetables for dinner. Day 4 is chicken fried steak. :)

What is the first thing you're going to eat once the recovery period is over?
The jury is still out on this, but I'll likely stop in for some soup at Jenni's Noodle House or some pho (real) at some place where no one speaks English.

Did you lose any weight?
Yep, 15 pounds, but I expect that some of that will return once I start chewing again.

Are you going to become a vegetarian now?
I've strongly considered it for health reasons, but there are too many dishes that I dig that involve meat or meat related items. Of course, April is vegetarian month, a.k.a. sushi month, so I'll be a vegetarian then. I'm going to work towards making smarter choices regardless of my meat-a-tarian / vegetarian slant.

This MC ain't got nothing on me

It is after Noon on Day 5, which means that there are officially a fewer number of hours left in my Master Cleanser journey than the amount that I have already invested. Kick. Ass.

In short, Day 3 sucked. Apparently on of the side effects of the MC is that you may get a cold or some cold like symptoms due to you body taking its revenge on you for drinking way too much and eating way too much red meat. I'm sure I had a fever, but didn't get probed to make it official. I was ready to conk out. But I sucked it up. I'm not getting beat by too many glasses of lemonade.

I'll spare you the gory details, but my evening of "sleep" on Day 3 resembled the depictions of a junkie going through heroin withdrawals. I could not get warm no matter how many blankets I used or how much I peed on myself. KIDDING. I also couldn't stop hacking up junk from my lungs. Nyquil would be my standard answer for this type of misery, but no dice due to the MC.

Is passing out from delirium the wrong way to fall asleep?