Had this been an actual emergency I would have already jumped through the computer screen and into the InnerWeb so that I could head straight to the Italian Riviera to sip a cocktail and count grains of sand.
Since I'm not quite that evolved yet, I am still at the office and blaring Ice Cube in hopes that someone will order me to leave.
"I push rhymes like weight."
20050519
High School Meatheads Don't Die. They Just Become More Annoying.
One would think that in my dearth of years spent in airports, airline lounges and rental car agencies that I would have developed some sort of tolerance for the meatheads that inevitably sit right next to me and talk about nothing ad-nauseam until the free cheesefood products and ginger ale is no longer available. But no; here I sit in the LAX President's Club and my tolerance is no where to be found. I think it's in therapy learning how to endure California freeways and the taxi cabs parked perpendicular to the flow therein.
Apparently the lack of tolerance is a deal breaker for friend of mine, but impinging on my freedom to zone out whilst reading the Robb Report is an exploitation of your freedom of speech. In fact, my intelligence has plunged off a cliff like Thelma & Louise.
Is it bad to dream about killing someone with a flip-flop to the cranium? I wonder what the dorks on CSI would say about that one? Someone please make the jackasses stop talking and the evil voices in my head go away.
Apparently the lack of tolerance is a deal breaker for friend of mine, but impinging on my freedom to zone out whilst reading the Robb Report is an exploitation of your freedom of speech. In fact, my intelligence has plunged off a cliff like Thelma & Louise.
Is it bad to dream about killing someone with a flip-flop to the cranium? I wonder what the dorks on CSI would say about that one? Someone please make the jackasses stop talking and the evil voices in my head go away.
20050415
Westward Ho: From TX to the OC
"They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there."
- The Stranger, The Big Lebowski
I am relocating to Orange County, California. This doesn't mean that I don't like Texas. It means I'm going where the work is. Think of me as a modern day Native American following the trail of Tetanka across the United States.
In preparation to for my migration, I watched precisely ten minutes of one episode of The OC. I liked what I saw: two super hot ladies that were not afraid to display their affection. Any local that inspired television producers to create a series about it must be rife with fodder for a displaced Texan seeking to get his own sitcom.
I will be living on a college campus. A truly inspired and under appreciated genius developed a Marriott on the campus of California State in Fullerton. I can't help feeling like Mitch Martin from Old School. But I won't be starting a fraternity from my Huntington Beach room at the Marriott, unless I run into Blue.
There is so much to do: West Coast Customs will be just down the street. Venice Beach is close too. I can pimp myself out in Dogtown with skate gear to prove that I've been there. I'll take extreme posing to a new level.
The Los Angeles area is a Mecca for professional sports: the Clippers, Lakers, Kings, Dodgers, and the Angels of Anaheim. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim? Are you kidding me? What sports marketing guru thought that was a good idea? They're the California Angels if you ask me.
This Texan will uncover the truth about California. Are there really vegetarians on every corner? Does the hip coffee shop clerk have the greatest hydroponics herb? Do all Californians like to surf? Do they really have the worst traffic in the solar system? But more importantly, do avocados grow on trees?
--
This was originally posted on TheBackWord.com, a Texas-centric eZine that has gone the way of the jackalope.
- The Stranger, The Big Lebowski
I am relocating to Orange County, California. This doesn't mean that I don't like Texas. It means I'm going where the work is. Think of me as a modern day Native American following the trail of Tetanka across the United States.
In preparation to for my migration, I watched precisely ten minutes of one episode of The OC. I liked what I saw: two super hot ladies that were not afraid to display their affection. Any local that inspired television producers to create a series about it must be rife with fodder for a displaced Texan seeking to get his own sitcom.
I will be living on a college campus. A truly inspired and under appreciated genius developed a Marriott on the campus of California State in Fullerton. I can't help feeling like Mitch Martin from Old School. But I won't be starting a fraternity from my Huntington Beach room at the Marriott, unless I run into Blue.
There is so much to do: West Coast Customs will be just down the street. Venice Beach is close too. I can pimp myself out in Dogtown with skate gear to prove that I've been there. I'll take extreme posing to a new level.
The Los Angeles area is a Mecca for professional sports: the Clippers, Lakers, Kings, Dodgers, and the Angels of Anaheim. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim? Are you kidding me? What sports marketing guru thought that was a good idea? They're the California Angels if you ask me.
This Texan will uncover the truth about California. Are there really vegetarians on every corner? Does the hip coffee shop clerk have the greatest hydroponics herb? Do all Californians like to surf? Do they really have the worst traffic in the solar system? But more importantly, do avocados grow on trees?
--
This was originally posted on TheBackWord.com, a Texas-centric eZine that has gone the way of the jackalope.
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