Cannonball! Cannonball Comin'!

I finally figured out why parents tell you not to run on the pool deck. You may trip on the six inch tall American flag that you can't see sticking out of the ground because your beer goggles are too thick.

I spent the Fourth of July weekend at Speer Country Club in Katy, TX after my plans in Huntington Beach unraveled at the last minute. SCC features crazy people, flippy cup and turbo coladas. All you really need to know is that I'm the intern and there is a paramedic on staff.

Had I known about the festivities getting down at the SCC, Huntington Beach would have never inched into the picture. On the other hand, had I known about the cannonball heading in my direction I would have likely retreated to Bartlesville, OK.

Suffice it to say that I will not be transforming myself from a turbo colada sipping chaise lounger into a cannonball any time soon just to see my buddy's fiancee's boobs.

Wait a minute. Who am I kidding?

Click here to view the carnage.

You Shall Address Me as Reverend

Due to an unforeseen turn of events, I am proud to report that I am now Reverend JB of the Universal Life Church. No, I'm not kidding. I can marry people now. Forget Vega$. Just drive down my street and we can take care of everything on the spot for a minimal fee.

My friends JT and Amanda were in the market for a minister to officiate their upcoming shotgun wedding in Big Bend National Park. Naturally I was intrigued and signed up to officiate on the spot without giving a second thought to the matter.

Texas is a conservative state build on rigid regulations unlike California. In California the legislature has already anticipated the desire of one friend to officiate the wedding of other friends. All one needs to do is submit a form to the County Clerk and you're all set. You can marry one couple on the day in question. One must be a registered minister affiliated with a church in Texas. Rats.

So, I did what I usually do when I need insight on the orthodox occurrences in our world. I called my mom. She pointed me in the direction of an online church called the Universal Life Church.

Viva L'InterWeb! Viva La Revolucion!

The Very Reverend JB

P.S. [20050729] Check out the wedding pix!

This Is a Test of the Stealthy Bitching While Still at Work System

Had this been an actual emergency I would have already jumped through the computer screen and into the InnerWeb so that I could head straight to the Italian Riviera to sip a cocktail and count grains of sand.

Since I'm not quite that evolved yet, I am still at the office and blaring Ice Cube in hopes that someone will order me to leave.

"I push rhymes like weight."