I'm Free!

I'm still chained to my cubicle, but I have escaped the confinement of my student loans. Woo hoo!

It seems as if I have wriggled free of an overwhelming weight that was holding me down. Though it is far from being as graphic and horrific as Aron Ralston cutting off his arm with his Swiss Army knife, I do feel every bit as free and relieved as I imagine he did.

Now, I am free to quit my job or at least take a huge pay cut. I can disappear from society without worrying about a Sallie Mae rep tracking me down in Australia and garnishing my wages earned by teaching monkeys to surf. I may even be able to afford that long awaited sabbatical to find the Lost Ark or explore the finer points of bartending Cocktail style or "to walk the Earth like Cain in Kung Fu."

Was it worth it to take out zillions of dollars in student loans?
Sure, I think so, but I'll let you judge based on the following list.

Top Five Things I Bought With My Student Loan Money

5. Degrees in International Relations, Theatre and Information Systems - I like to think that this broad spectrum of knowledge helped guide me to where I am. However, that does not really build warm and fuzzies since I am now chained to a cubicle. I should have learned to weld instead since all of the cool shows on the Discovery Channel always feature some sort of welding.

4. Beer - this essential item led to the gaining of item #1 in many cases after many cases.

3. Autonomy - your parents can't get on your case for dropping classes if you are paying for them.

2. Peace of mind - I still worked three jobs during my seven years of college. No, I'm not a doctor, but only through loans was I able to afford an apartment that actually had plumbing and carpet.

1. Experience, which equals wisdom (through the power of electricity, which I learned about in Math 1552).