Top Ten Things You Should Know Right Now

10. The weather-uh is crappy in Verona right now-uh.
9. The best time to check-uh you-uh email is after lunch before four o'clock when the shops re-open.
8. Untangling those fifteen strands of old Christmas lights is easier than trying to decipher the pricing system for Italian cellular service.
7. Bellagio is super cool, super pricey, and George Clooney does not live there - same lago, different town-o.
6. The worst vino de la casa is still better than Franzia, which incidentally is not actually Italian for box of wine.
5. Drivers in Spain appear to have been at least familiarized with driving laws; no chance of that having happened in Italia.
4. The risks of hanging Chads may still be at hand, but at least we are able to vote, via machines, for individuals and not just the party ticket, via paper ballots in boxes, as in Italia.
3. The long awaited ouster of the conventional phone booth shower stalls has not yet occurred.
2. The best view of Lago Como, Bellagio, Como and everything else bordering the lake is from Ristorante Falchetto in Brunate, but you'd better be a courageous driver or be driven by an Italian because you must traverse the most pot-holed piece of paved vehicular single track on the planet; may the force be with you if you encounter oncoming traffico.
1. The real life Romeo and Juliet committed suicide because they tried escape the weather by booking second class non-reserved seats to Milano and had to stand in the vestibule full of farting old folks and at least one transvestite.