Thousands of tasty crawfish slaughtered Saturday

Bucket o'crawfish
Originally uploaded by JaseMan.

Friends and neighbors (hopefully the ones to the right are still friends) piled into the backyard expanse at Flying Pig Ranch for the First Annual Crawfish @ The Ranch party last Saturday. A crowd numbering in the tens of people (~47ish) devoured thousands of crawfish that had been berled properly. Berled properly as in the water was seasoned and the crawfish were plopped in. And, not as in the effed up Texas/Shreveport way which is basically like dropping them into a hot tub for a quick bath and then coating them with cayenne so as to light your lips on fire. I only recommend that method if your girlfriend wants lips like Jolie, but you can't afford the collagen. Otherwise, "you get 'F'," to quote The Manatee.

UnFortunately no F's were given at FPR. I shook off a light hangover to go meet my "source," we'll call him Cajun Gourmet (CG) in a parking lot near my house. Freshly printed cash was exchanged for five sacks of mudbugs weighing a combined 175 pounds. Big ups to El Pedro for lending me the trizzuck for the pizzup otherwise The Heater's trunk would have smelled like someone doused it in Sex Panther. Took me a month to get that smell to go away last time.

After brunch at Buffalo Grille, the NOLA contingent got the house to party status throughout the afternoon while I stressed out about operationalizing the event. I definitely need to work on my "holy shit there's a zillion people coming over to my place and I'm not prepared" overreactions. LP, can you coach me on that? PTL for TDO and Tracey for wrangling the patio and hanging the lights and cleaning up the den and all the other stuff that I didn't do but took credit for.

Guests started arriving just after TDO finished the party mix, and just as I was getting into the shower (number 2 on the day). I know what you're thinking: why in the Wide World of Sports would you shower before boiling crawfish all evening? It's simple, stupid. It make me feel pretty. And, I believe in that prolonging the shower exponentially increases the stink.

The first batch was ready right on time at 6:30 in the PM. As usual the first batch was light on the spice as I felt out the audience's capacity for melted fillings. The heat increased steadily and resulted in the third batch being the best, which was stellar because most folks were just about finished. Fortunately, the Crazy Lady and Rational Man (he likes to party though) brought dozens of jello shots and shooters for folks to cool their tongues.

The fourth batch came out as the clock approached 9:30, I think. I was a bit nervous about having ~35 pounds leftover. I may need to turn in my paddle if that many were left. To my surprise large appetites materialized out of thin air; the AssMan anchored the table in polishing off the final critters.

175 pounds of crawfish, ~12 pounds of potatoes, five dozen mini-corns, eight artichokes, eight onions, two bushels of shrooms and lots of garlic were consumed on the back porch. Four rolls of terlet paper were consumed in the throne room. Hmmm. I wonder if there is a correlation.

AJ is hip hop
Originally uploaded by JaseMan.

The patio scene blew up as the berlin crowd dissappated. The NOLA contingent (TDO, Archbishop Pummel & Scotty B [via NYC]) joined forces with locals El Boliviano, NellDog, The Murph & AJ [on weekend furlough from Dallas] to smoke seven packs of Marlboro's and suck down some suds. The old man in me came out around midnight when I got nervous that my Mystery Neighbors may get pissed about the howling, story telling and other general high decibel carousing that was going on. I caved to The TDO Vortex and we moved the party down to Doghouse Tavern.

Siblings
Originally uploaded by JaseMan.

I'm not ashamed to say that I'd never been to the Doghouse Tavern before. When I lived in Midtown (pre-parking meter phase when Post Midtown was 20% occupied), the place had opened at the same time as Front Porch which was across the skreet from my place. Why walk blocks, when you can trip and fall into a bar? I am glad to say that I was pleasantly surprised with the crowd.

Sure, sure, there were the recent Midtownians, who I like to call assholes with credit. Yes, that is a stereotype. But if the shit fits... Can't you act like you've had a real paycheck and lived in a decent apartment for more than a week? I know that you haven't, but can't you pretend? Sorry. Email me if you want the full take. Better yet, take me out in Midtown on a Friday night and I'll show you exactly the type of folks I'm ranting about. But, I digress.

El Boliviano, NellDog & Pummel
Originally uploaded by JaseMan.

The night was saved by the bar maiden. She was your typical girl next door who was probably working her way through an engineering degree and just took this bartending gig as a way to pay for her scientific calculator. She definitely didn't use the money for clothes that fit because everything was at least one size too small.

Not a big fan of tank tops I am. But, there are exceptions to every rule. Scotty summed it up best. "Her tits are dancing like rain drops on a puddle." I was actually surprised he could articulate that since he was standing on his tongue.

The night closed with a blur as did the weekend. TDO and Tracey evaporated. AJ, Scotty and I headed back to the ranch. To Whom It May Concern: no, I was not drunk when I drove home. I took it easy on porpoise. I dig the love though. Thanks.

The next morning brought carnage in the house and in the yard. Crawfish were mashed into the lawn throughout the yard. Pummel was so hungover she was almost parallel to the floor.

There was only one solution for this situation: BBQ. I'll spare you the gory details, but Goode Company was just what the doctor ordered. The secret's in the sauce.

So there you have it. "That's what went down" to use the parlance of our times. If you didn't make it, don't sweat it. There's always next year.

Shameless plug: Jealous of the fun we had? Need your own berlin rig? Checkout BoilCrawfish.com for all your crawfish berling needs. Tell them JB sentchya.