20070807

Elvis sited in Crowley, LA

Keeffner turned 40 last weekend. I'm not sure what disturbed me more: the fact that a friend of mine was actually turning 40 (what happened to 28?) or the fact that I was heading to a party in Crowley, LA - Rice Capital of the USA.

In all fairness, I don't know anything about Crowley save for the fact that it is the Rice Capital, and it is situated on I-10 a couple of exits away from Rayne, the Frog Capital of the World. And, it also happens to be the hometown of two famous Louisianians: Edwin Edwards & Keeffner.

I'm not big on small towns or being in the country per se only because I like to be within binocular distance of a major highway so as to be able to locate a Waffle House when I need some grits or would like to hear all seven versions of the Waffle House song. [Note: don't play all of the WHS versions back-to-back or you will be "asked to leave" even if your grits haven't yet arrived.] But, Keeffner is worthy of braving such trivial fears and discomforts. The Wife had put together a dynamite party plan. And, Big Dave and The Mic were coming to town. The promise of marginally controlled stupidity was rampant.

The Keeffner Plantation is an Acadian style casa situated on 18 acres consisting of woods and pastures. The guys and I enjoyed the screened porch across the back thanks to the full-sized fridge o' beer, the five ceiling fans and screens to keep the skeeters away. We also like the detached carport/garage and the RV shelters since that's where the "toys" are kept. By toys I mean a four wheeler, a 52" cut lawn mowing race car and a full-sized tractor.

Approximately 30 seconds elapsed between getting out of the car and cranking up the toys. Keeffner gave Mic a lesson on the four wheeler. Dave climbed up on the tractor and moseyed on down the driveway while I took the mower for a spin - literally. That thing turns a circle tighter than a Green Machine and pretty much nothing is tighter than a Green Machine. I challenge you to have more fun riding a mower unless of course you're riding a mower and have a loaded shotgun just in case you have to fend off some spiders.

The party was supposed to be a surprise, but you have a better chance of being elected governor than keeping a secret in a town the size of Crowley. The cat had been out of the bag and roaming for weeks.

The party started inauspiciously enough. Food. Beer. Casino games. Things were rolling along really well. Then, suddenly, I blacked out and woke up three hours later laying on the floor of Keeffner's office. The following was told to me by the guys after I came to.

The King & the kidsApparently, Elvis rolled into the party and things got crazy. E & Big Dave took over the craps table, but The King couldn't keep the dice on the table. He decided to take a moment to regroup and caught up with an old friend. The King and Ms. Isabella Delahousaye, former Mayor, first met at Ponchartrain Beach when he first played New Orleans in the '50s.

El Rey decided to depart after a hairless guest got a bit jealous of his luxurious man mane. No matter. His work there was done. Keeffner was officially old, and The King was officially drunk.

Get down at the Geaux CupI was awakened by Keeffner shortly after Elvis left the building. Drooling on the desk pad of an executive does not make a great impression so the Birthday Boy took me and the guys to The Geaux Cup to punish us. He even made Dave buy the drinks.

The parade of 10 ounce Miller Lite cans led to me blacking out and missing Elvis. I decided to mix it up a bit by ordering a cocktail. Mom always says that clear liquids are safe so I ordered up a Vodka Soda. The twentysomething hooker tending bar asked me what size I wanted. I replied, "make it a big one," picturing a double served in a highball glass. She returned with a 32 ounce Styrofoam cup. I'm not sure what was more captivating: the size of that drink or the size of her outfit. I'm pretty sure that there wasn't enough material in her top to reupholster a bicycle seat.

Huh. The ride got bumpy, but the wheels didn't fall off. I made it through the night long enough to witness some poor judgment but can't seem to remember what it was.

Too bad I didn't get to meet The King. I would have loved to have gotten his take on the Lisa Marie - Michael Jackson nuptials.

1 comment:

Dave, MaryJane, Riley and "the Soph" said...

there is STILL no evidence that I rode that thing... That was as photo opp and that's all that wuz.