Bicycle Pub Crawl Great Success-uh

Bikes - good. Beer - great. Together, they are outstanding. Thus, it was no surprise that Saturday night's re-emergence of the Urban Getaway was a great time despite the fact that 20 people RSVPed but only 11 made the journey.

I was psyched that my high school buddy, Hank, and his traveling crew of film makers made time for the trek. They've been working pretty much non-stop for the past six weeks or so on The Smart Show and were wiped out from too much NOLA. Is there such a thing? They rented bikes. They made the ride. What happened to you nine missing "Yes RSVPers?" THAT'S WEAK SAUCE PEOPLE!

During our seven hour tour, we covered roughly 17 miles, visited seven bars and one wooded park to savor the suds on this trip. Here's the quick and dirty run down:

Stop #1: Petrol Station @ 7 PM
Petrol Station is a quick two mile ride from the starting point. Er, that is a quick ride until your rear wheel locks up just after you cross a busy intersection despite the bright orange hand telling you to hold your horses. No worries; a bit of wrenching and a Session made this an easy fix. Ye Ole PS just wasn't happening. I guess the Guitar Hero tourney got moved. So, the crew mushed on to Red's.

Stop #2: Red's Country Inn @ 7:30 PM
Red's doesn't look like much from the outside, but the inside is pure gold. The stools and chairs are uncomfortable but hand wrought and so heavy only Hercules could pick one up and hit you with it. The interior is hand painted to look like a Tiki bar/Jimmy Buffet video. Thank God that there was a TV so that I could check in on the LSU v Bama game. Great. The Tigers are losing. Time to head to the next bar.

Stop #3: Rose Garden @ 8:15 PM
Rose promised to have Polish sausages ready for the gang when we arrived. The sausages were there, but she wasn't. What the? We stuck around for a second round before Rose arrived with Alice. We told her her thanks and gave her a high five. We told Alice we were headed to her place next, but she didn't hurry along to meet us - probably due to all the corn nut throwing from years past.


Stop #4: Alice's Tall Texan @ 9:20 PM
I ordered 10 goblets for the gang and nearly fainted when the barmaid said, "That'll be $17.50." I LOVE CHEAP BEER IN FISHBOWLS! We sucked down the goblets and took a few pix with the Tall Texan. Then the wheels fell off for me. I couldn't remember the way to Shiloh Club. I couldn't even remember that Alice's was on the opposite side of the street from Shiloh, which would have pointed me in the right direction. Fortunately, Foley lives in the area and was able to get us to Shiloh before I had a mental break down in the parking lot.

Stop #5: Shiloh Club @ 10:15 PM
What's that they say? It's something like, "When you fall off the horse, the only thing you can do is get right back up on it." Thomamas must have seen me fly off the horse, or maybe he heard me yell, "Fuck beer! Shiloh is the spot for Jack shots!" In any case, he was Johnny-on-the-spot with a round of Jack and Budweiser chasers. WOO HA! The Jack got me back in action and ready to push on to OC.

Stop #6: Onion Creek @ 11:15 PM
Riding down White Oak on a Saturday night is tricky due the cars trying to decide where to park and if they are going to run you over. Lucky for us all riders made it safely into the parking lot. Guess what I found inside OC! A Colombian, a Bolivian and a veggie sandwich. Neither one of the guys were riding bikes because these two only know how to ride llamas (pronounced YAH-muhs). I'm pretty sure I enjoyed the weggie sandwich more than the guys only because I was super hungry which often leads to grumpy.

The Not Stop: The Shady Tavern
The tentative route called for a swing by The Shady Tavern, but they didn't answer the phone so we didn't stop in. No, I didn't warn them ahead of time that we were coming. They only ever have eight customers on a good night. 'Parently, they didn't want any of our mojo. Their loss.

Stop #7: Tall Boys in the Timber @ 12:30 AM
I had originally planned, at the suggestion of El Pedro, to grab beer for the park at a Stop 'N Rob at Shepherd and 11th. But, midnight was dangerously close, aka two minutes away, when left OC so I ducked into the Shady Mart next to the Creek. Whew. That was close.

We arrived on time (and under budget whatever that means) in West 11th Street Park for a sip in the pines. I informed the crew that they were imbibing on endangered grounds since developers have been threatening to turn this incredibly cool, totally wooded park into a bunch of condos. We savored the suds as appropriate, and I gassed up my newly flat front tire before continuing on to El Spot.

Stop #8: The Spot Club @ 1:15 AM
Pound for pound The Spot Club delivered more entertainment value than any other contender along the pub crawl route this year. You just never know what you're going to get. Saturday night featured a one-man-band set-up turning out the R&B classics as well as anything else you could think of. Plus, Jan was behind the bar slanging cans of Lone Star like she was born to do it.

I took my can outside to work on my flat. Some regular who doesn't know me, because I'm only a semi-regular, tried to stop me from leaving the smoker's patio area.

"Uh, you can't take that beer past the door."

"I'm going to fix my flat tire."

"But, you can't leave this area with that beer."

"Jan said I could."

"You need to come back over here with that beer."

"Go take it up with Jan."

That shut him up quickly. Ain't nobody taking nothing up with Jan because she "don't take no shit from nobody" - not even the bar owner.

Jan's my friend, but she broke my heart on Saturday night. "I ain't staying open another hour for you fuckers even with the time change, so drink up!" she yelled across the bar. "That's bullshit, Jan," I fired back, but she didn't budge. And, that was that.

Honestly, none of us were in any shape to continue drinking so we convened in the parking lot for the last three miles back to the ranch. The crew was tired and nursing a variety of overuse injuries to shins, calves, thighs and taints. I was sad to see them go, but glad to hit the sack. That said, I did miss the late night round of d-golf, complete with a Nalgene of Jack & water, that El Pedro and I enjoyed after the last crawl.

Is it too early to be ready for next year's ride?