It's your thang. Do whatchoo wanna do.

Holiday time typically makes me want to jump in front of a bus or listen to Yani. Most of the time I opt for Yani because the consequences are less permanent, but this year the bus jump seems appealing.

It's not that I don't like the time off from work. I do. I REALLY do. My family stresses me out. More accurately, I stress myself out thinking about what my family is thinking about if they are not surrounding me every second of every day during said holiday period. Anybody got some Valium?

Here's the deal. Like many folks in my generation (yikes that makes me feel old), my parents are divorced. Fortunately, each side of the family still loves me and wants to see me. Unfortunately, holiday happenings (like Thanksgiving) typically occur during the same period of the day. For example, Thanksgiving dinner usually cranks up between 11:30 and 1.

Welcome to the holiday shuffle. You need to arrive at the first location at least twenty minutes early so that you can schmooze as much as possible. Only serve yourself tablespoon sized portions so that you can taste everything but will remain hungry still have room for food at subsequent destinations. Depart Destination #1 as soon as someone gets up to serve themselves another portion of anything. Arrive at Destination #2 and repeat above steps while limiting yourself to a 30 to 60 minute window of visiting before heading off to a subsequent destination.

Sounds like a whole shit ton of fun, no? During college I "had to make" FOUR stops on Thanksgiving. Stoopid.

Many of my friends are married now, some with children, which means that they have gained some sort of secret power that allows them to say no to their families without the guilt trip or constant torment. What the?

I'm grown up, too. I am over 30 and have a mortgage. Just because I'm not married con kids doesn't mean I should be trapped into mandatory family visits on the holidays. Perhaps their families are just cooler? Maybe they're not Catholic so they don't have the built in guilt machine?

Sara and I were talking about this the other day. She's got the same issue. We've decided that the best course of action may be to be holiday dates for each other.
Sorry, I can't make it home for the holidays. I'm going to Sara's.

Sorry, I can't make it home for the holidays. I'm going to JB's.
Instead, we head for Fiji, which would be great because then I'd get to stare at her boobs in her bathing suit. She's got great boobs.

Please don't misunderstand me. I love my family. No, really. No, really. I don't always like them, but I love them and like hanging out with them. But, I don't like having my time off from work mapped out without any sense of freedom.

This year is different. I put my foot down. I'm doing my own thing for Thanksgiving. It was easier than I thought. I blamed it on Los Pedros. Not really, but slightly. I accepted their generous offer to explore the wilderness of Vermont for Turkey Day. I didn't even have to get married.


Lil Sass said...

Honey, we didn't have to get married to give our 'rents excuses. Damnit, now no one will see my boobs!

K...E...B said...

based on our conversation from my hotel room in chicago last week, i am currently pricing flights to paris for christmas. you in?

MicNola said...

Very rude of you to talk up someone's boobs without letting us all judge for ourselves!! No respect.