I went to pick up sushi and nearly picked up something else

Sushi Spread
Originally uploaded by JaseMan

Los Pedros moved into their new house on Monday so I stayed in Dallas this weekend to hang out and check their new digs. I arrived at the new palace around 7 PM. We quickly decided that take-out sushi was the best dinner solution since KP was down for the evening (despite Uncle JB walking into her room and turning on the light).

TP and I headed to I Love Sushi - about a mile away from their crib - to pick up the victuals. 12 pieces of salmon. Check. One spider roll. Check. One spicy tuna roll. Check.

TP headed to grab us a round of oat sodas while I paid the food bill. The bar was ran parallel to the side of the restaurant and was nearly as long. TP was seat in the second to last stool of the near end; two stools separated the nearest patron, a lady in a white top and shorts, from him.

I overheard him saying, "I'm waiting on my friend" as I walked up to his location. Just as I reached for stool next to TP, he hopped into it and forced me to sit directly between him and the lady. The lady a Japanese chick named Victoria practically sat in my lap as soon as my ass touched the naugahyde.

Victoria reminded me of the hooker that tried to pick up one of my colleagues in Vegas. Drunk. Hoochie-esque. Moderately attractive. And, super forward.

Uninhibited is an understatement when referring to this piece of work. She was all huggy as she posed with me for a photo. (Un)fortunately TP's phone didn't retain the image though it wasn't incriminating. She kept grabbing my hand and putting it around her and hugging me at the same time. She put her legs in my lap and kept trying to coerce me into stroking them.

I was lost in thought pondering my exit strategy and sipping my beer as she blew the lid off of well lit bar etiquette. She lifted up her tank top to expose her bellybutton (bebo) ring and simultaneous wriggled so that her shorts were gaping in the front. Then she grabbed my hand and put it on her belly.

"Oh shit. We need to get out of here," is what I thought. The bartender brought over the credit card tab right then in a lucky coincidence. TP could sense the need for retreat springing from his stool saying that we needed to leave.

Victoria latched on tight, grabbed my remaining beer and downed it. The time had come for drastic measures.

I gave her The Claw. Yep. I gave her The Claw. She giggled, loosened her grip and I flew off the stool bidding her a fond farewell.

TP and I reflected on the situation from the relative safety of my rental car.

"She wasn't hot but wasn't unattractive."

"Nope."

"She was too drunk."

"Yep."

"You were too sober."

"Yep."

"If she were a couple of notches less drunk and you were a couple notches more drunk, things may have been different."

"Yep."

I'll add it to the list of "Things That Make Me Go Hmm."