Year 35 Has Begun

That flourish of trumpets that you heard at 12:50 CST today signaled the beginning of Year 35. Feel free to sleep well now. Who knew that I would make it this long? I half expected to have been a victim on a stat sheet for some sort of moving vehicle accident. I'm serious. Experienced JB el JB stalkers know that my history on wheels, particularly of the dual wheeled motorized vehicle variety, is somewhat sketchy. [Note to Mom: No, I am not hoping to manifest anything. Just making an observation.]

Today, I took vacation and woke up without a clear direction or desire to exit the most comfortable bed in the world (it's a fact, you can look it up). But, most of my colleagues, relatives and friends would say this is par for the course. Let's just say I was even more relaxed than ever. Picture a cross between The Dude and Floyd from True Romance. The result would be a vision of nonchalance on par with my BURDAY self.

I mapped out my day with Los Pedros last night. A few errands needed attention: bank, post office, Toys R Us, etc. I also decided to exploit the local area Denny's to the fullest and cash in for at least two free birthday meals. BURDAY 34 would conclude with a feast of chili cheese dogs at the Libbey Compound whilst watching Opening Day Astros and the NCAA Final.

Cliches abound regarding best laid plans and all that. In my realm, prans are made to be altered at the last minute when more better (sit on it, rhetoric nerd) options rear their pretty little faces. Rare are the occasions when a sensible choice is made, but BURDAYs are time for such grown-up sensibilities, 'specially when you're old or getting there. Thank God I'm still not 38.

I'm proud to say that I made several sensible choices today. First, I chose not to display my BURDAY suit even though I'm pretty sure BT's Handbook says it's OK to flaunt said BURDAY suit on one's BURDAY. I'm not quite pleased with the cut of this particular suit. Unfortunately good tailors are hard to find. They typically lurk in mirrors and live at Bally's a fair bit. Hmmm...I'll have to check out the local Bally's sometime next month for that tailor.

The second good choice I made was oatmeal. I heard that oatmeal is good for you. I also remember liking oatmeal more than Coke, but that version of oatmeal was populated with herds of butter and sugar. That version is not good for you. Good for you oatmeal reminds me of snot. And, I don't like to eat snot or carrots or Brussels sprouts. Today I ate oatmeal so that I could reduce my cholesterol by at least one half of a point thereby enabling me to eat my chili dogs for dinner.

Making two good choices and following through exhausted me no end. Think about when Jean Grey does cool shit in X-Men and then passes out. Shit, I just made a comic book reference. Anyway, I felt nearly the same way. I dorked out my Mac chatting with friends and emailing and surfing for gas guzzling pick-up trucks until I realized that my butt was asleep and I was the only Daily Grind customer not eating lunch. Try the cheeseburger. So, I left.

A bad lunch rejuvenated me and put me back on the path toward pseudo-activity. The Pete and met for cajun food, which is always good, but never good for you, and homemade creme brulee, which can never be Jello. Then I ran some errands and wrote up a few headlines for Houstonist in between reading a BURDAY feud between MJ and The Manatee during which he berated her for not informing his Ambassadorship of my BURDAY. She told him not to come home unless he wanted an ass kicking, but they're kinky like that so he left work early.

Originally uploaded by JaseMan.
I left not work early to pedal the sled down to 11th Street and back with TP & KP. Eight miles later we returned sweaty and ready for game dawgs.

The game dawgs were great; the games sucked. I wrangled the hot dogs, not dogs and chili. LP got dessert dialed in, and TP kept KP from eating my flip flops. Lidge blew a save. Go figure. Sorry Oswalt. Is it too late to void Lidge's contract and send him to the Great Lakes Loons? Yes, I know they're not in the Astros organization. That's the point. Plus, it's still snowing up there and his arm couldn't be colder. March Madness ended with Florida handling Ohio State, which means Gator fans will be tough to handle again. At least Spurrier wasn't involved.

Thanks for the calls and emails and what have you. I really appreciate it. Anyone up for a road trip to Fun Fair Park?


Trey D said...

A few things:

- Happy BURDAY. Be on the lookout for a honey bear bottle and White Russian at your door.

- Liking your inagural vlog from Crawfish @ The Ranch. Looked like a blast. I've been spreading the love.

- Was that a Fun Fair Park reference?? Two memories: that kid dying when the Mouse Trap broke and my dad yarfing on my sister on the blue/yellow-red/white dual ferris wheel thing. And of course the monkey in the crammed cage who used to smoke cigarettes you threw to him.

Enjoy the day, cuz. Drink a High Life for me.

Anonymous said...


nowhere in this post does it mentioned getting serenaded by moi.